A Toy’s Story

October 30, 2009

Ben 10 Alien Force (Jet Ray)Ajib has been carrying a bag full of toys to almost all destinations – school, malls, relatives’ houses, etc. By doing this, I notice that he is less likely to drag me to the toy aisles at the malls and more likely to develop connection with other boys.

Yesterday, I bought Jet Ray (Ben 10 Alien Force) from Popular Bookstore. Ajib was excited to meet his new alien hero. He also brings with him a Transformers comic book and likes to wear his Optimus Prime or Bumblebee t-shirts.

Ajib is no longer a quiet and reserved toddler. Toys enable Ajib to try out all sorts of actions, body movements, possible ‘crimes’, potential plots, etc. He also let Liya to take part in the battles of Ultraman, Ben 10 or Transformers. Ready, action, cut……the camera is rolling!

When we had dinner at the Pavillion Kuala Lumpur, Ajib took out all his ‘men.’ Liya and I helped to arranged the toys on the table before the appetizers and main courses arrived. We discussed, negotiated and argued but before the spring rolls hit our tables, there were no issues unresolved…


Crocodile Mommy

October 30, 2009

Swimming pool Liya showed off her swimming ability while Ajib has already increased water confidence. Despite then fun we had in the swimming pool where Mommy became the crocodile and carried passengers on her back, Mommy is still not a  swimmer herself.

Well, that can easily be 2010’s resolution…

Seeing the fun has a vast difference from being in the fun. One can see the life moving on or he or she is living to make something happen. Kids learn everywhere. They seek ‘fun’ in everything. Kids are creative. They make us happy. Although sometimes we think they push us to the limits, they are just giving us a chance to improve ourselves to become better persons and skillful parents.

How can an individual be a master without exposures, training and challenges? There’s no shortcut for diamonds to be made…


How Single Parents Affect the Brain – By Shirley S. Wang

October 29, 2009

How Single Parents Affect the Brain – By Shirley S. Wang

By SHIRLEY S. WANG

Conventional wisdom holds that two parents are better than one. Scientists are now finding that growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops.

German biologist Anna Katharina Braun and others are conducting research on animals that are typically raised by two parents, in the hopes of better understanding the impact on humans of being raised by a single parent. Dr. Braun’s work focuses on degus, small rodents related to guinea pigs and chinchillas, because mother and father degus naturally raise their babies together.

[LAB] Matt Collins

When deprived of their father, the degu pups exhibit both short- and long-term changes in nerve-cell growth in different regions of the brain. Dr. Braun, director of the Institute of Biology at Otto von Guericke University in Magdeburg, and her colleagues are also looking at how these physical changes affect offspring behavior.

Their preliminary analysis indicates that fatherless degu pups exhibit more aggressive and impulsive behavior than pups raised by two parents.

In a study the researchers presented at the Society for Neuroscience meeting in Chicago earlier this month and recently published in the journal Neuroscience, half the degus were raised with two parents, while the others were raised by a single mother, the father having been removed from the cage one day after the birth of his offspring.

Dr. Braun and her colleagues found that in the two-parent families, the degu mothers and fathers cared for their pups in similar ways, including sleeping next to or crouching over them, licking and grooming them, and playing with them. The fathers even exhibited a “nursing-type” position.

When the mother was a single parent, the frequency of her interactions with her pups didn’t change much, which means that those pups experienced significantly less touching and interaction than those with two parents.

The researchers then looked at the neurons—cells that send and receive messages between the brain and the body—of some pups at day 21, around the time they were weaned from their mothers, and others at day 90, which is considered adulthood for the species.

Neurons have branches, known as dendrites, that conduct electrical signals received from other nerve cells to the body, or trunk, of the neuron. The leaves of the dendrites are protrusions called dendritic spines that receive messages and serve as the contact between neurons.

Dr. Braun’s group found that at 21 days, the fatherless animals had less dense dendritic spines compared to animals raised by both parents, though they “caught up” by day 90. However, the length of some types of dendrites was significantly shorter in some parts of the brain, even in adulthood, in fatherless animals.

“It just shows that parents are leaving footprints on the brain of their kids,” says Dr. Braun, 54 years old.

The neuronal differences were observed in a part of the brain called the amygdala, which is related to emotional responses and fear, and the orbitofrontal cortex, or OFC, the brain’s decision-making center.

‘A Horse Without a Rider’

The balance between these two brain parts is critical to normal emotional and cognitive functioning, according to Dr. Braun. If the OFC isn’t active, the amygdala “goes crazy, like a horse without a rider,” she says. In the case of the fatherless pups, there were fewer dendritic spines in the OFC, while the dendrite trees in the amygdala grew more and longer branches.

A preliminary analysis of the degus’ behavior showed that fatherless animals seemed to have a lack of impulse control, Dr. Braun says. And, when they played with siblings, they engaged in more play-fighting or aggressive behavior.

In a separate study in Dr. Braun’s lab conducted by post-doctoral researcher Joerg Bock, degu pups were removed from their caregivers for one hour a day. Just this small amount of stress leads the pups to exhibit more hyperactive behaviors and less focused attention, compared to those who aren’t separated, Dr. Braun says. They also exhibit changes in their brain.

The basic wiring between the brain regions in the degus is the same as in humans, and the nerve cells are identical in their function. “So on that level we can assume that what happens in the animal’s brain when it’s raised in an impoverished environment … should be very similar to what happens in our children’s brain,” Dr. Braun says.

Other researchers, such as Xia Zhang, a senior scientist at the University of Ottawa Institute of Mental Health Research, and his colleagues in China, have observed different consequences using voles, mouselike rodents that also naturally co-parent. (Fewer than 10% of species raise their offspring with two parents.)

Voles deprived of their fathers—either from birth or later on in childhood—exhibited more anxious behaviors and were less social, spending less time engaging with stranger voles that were placed in their cage, according to a study by Dr. Zhang and his colleagues that was published in July in the journal Behavioral Processes.

Of course, the frontal cortex—where thinking and decision-making take place—is more complex in humans than it is in other animals. Thus, says Dr. Braun, it is important to be “really careful” about extrapolating the recent findings to human populations.

“The minute you get into stuff with extensive social and environmental components, the social differences between humans and animals are massive,” says Simon Chapple, a senior economist in the social policy division of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, the 30-country grouping of the world’s largest economies.

It remains an “open verdict” whether single parenthood causes these bad outcomes, or is merely associated with them, says Dr. Chapple.

Risk of Delinquency

Still, the prevalence of single-parent households has researchers looking at possible consequences for children. An OECD report found that just 57% of children in the U.S. live with both parents, among the lowest percentages of the world’s richest nations.

The report, which sparked some controversy when it was released in September, found that children in single-parent households have an increased risk of delinquency and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, as well as poorer scholastic performance.

The OECD also analyzed data from 122 separate studies and found that there was variability in the negative effects on children of living in a single-parent home; on average, the OECD found, the magnitude of the impact was relatively small. On a standardized intelligence test with a median score of 100 points, for example, a child in a single-parent family would be about 3.5 points worse off than a similar child in a two-parent family, according to Dr. Chapple, who co-wrote the report.

Dr. Braun’s goal for future research is to figure out whether degu pups’ brains can be rewired by introducing a substitute caregiver, such as a grandmother, or whether other social and emotional enrichment can help “repair” the fatherless pups, she says. Human children may be sent to day care, for instance, which can help them form stable friendships with their peers and other adults.

The bottom line, says Dr. Braun, is that parents need to fuel their children’s brains with talk, touch and sensitive stimulation that involves give and take.

Parents, she says, “are the sculptors of their children’s brains.”

Write to Shirley S. Wang at shirley.wang@wsj.com


Leaping Froggie

October 28, 2009

Liya was jumping from sofa to sofa despite my sweet nagging. Minutes later the family hall seemed awfully peaceful. Silence was broken with Liya’s sobbing and plea for help. I rushed to get her. The crying has made Ajib came to see what was happening.

“Don’t cry…you’re a big girl,” The 3-year old Ajib comforted Liya.

I prevented myself from scolding Liya. I managed to control my panic attack. I focused on the more important issue, to see any broken bones or major wound cuts.


The Effect of Music on Children’s Intelligence

October 24, 2009

kids making music

Studies after studies are showing that learning music can make kids smart.  When your child learns to play a musical instrument, not only does he learn how to make tunes, but he also enhances other capabilities of his brain as well:

  • A 10 year study involving 25,000 students show that music-making improves test scores in standardized tests, as well as in reading proficiency exams (Source: James Catterall, UCLA, 1997).
  • High school music students score higher on the math and verbal portion of SAT, compared to their peers (Profile of SAT and Achievement Test Takers, The College Board, compiled by Music Educators Conference, 2001).
  • The IQ’s of young students who had nine months of weekly training in piano or voice rose nearly three points more than their untrained peers (Study by E. Glenn Schellenberg, of the University of Toronto at Mississauga, 2004.)
  • Piano students can understand mathematical and scientific concepts more readily.  Children who received piano training performed 34 percent higher on tests measuring proportional reasoning – ratios, fractions, proportions, and thinking in space and time (Neurological Research, 1997).
  • Pattern recognition and mental representation scores improved significantly in students who were given a 3-year piano instruction (Dr. Eugenia Costa-Giomi study presented at the meeting of the Music Educators National Conference, Phoenix, AZ, 1998).
  • Music students received more academic honors and awards than non-music students.  These music students also have more A and B grades compared to non-music students (National Educational Longitudinal Study of 1988 First Follow-Up, U.S. Department of Education).
  • More music majors who applied for medical school were admitted compared to those in other majors including English, biology, chemistry and math. (“The Comparative Academic Abilites of Students in Education and in Other Areas of a Multi-focus University,” Peter H. Wood, ERIC Document No. ED327480; “The Case for Music in Schools”, Phi Delta Kappan, 1994)

Other research also linked music making with increased language discrimination and development, improved school grades, and better-adjusted social behavior.

Why does this happen?  What is at work here?

Music & Children’s Intelligence


Menu Weirdo

October 23, 2009

I prepared non-spicy fried meehoon (thin white noodles) for breakfast one morning after our maid had gone home to Indonesia for good. Ajib joined me and Daddy while Liya was still dreaming perhaps of white horses or cute bunnies.

“Look, Mama..” Ajib was proud showing me his creation.

“That’s something new, Ajib. How does it taste like?” Obviously I had no idea nor did I expect to taste it.

“Yummy,” Ajib said.

Daddy smiled and complimented Ajib’s creativity: Meehoon + McDonald’s grape jam = Chef Ajib’s recipe

More about meehoon..


Alto (STOP)

October 22, 2009

“Stop at red light..” Ajib spoke his mind to Daddy. I was thankful that some of my teachings have been assimilated.

It was right of way and my husband yielded to enter the main road leading to Ajib and Liya’s preschool. Liya also has complained that some motorists did not bother to follow the traffic rules. I hope that Ajib and Liya would grow up without compromising safety. We have one shot in life and that’s all about being safe and happy.


Sibling Story

October 21, 2009

Brotherhood KingdomAs much as I wanted Liya to accept Ajib about  3 1/2years ago, my youngest sister has also experienced the drill. The big bro Aiman must come to terms to welcome the new baby’s arrival, Adam into the realm of the family.

The vision that the two boys – Aiman and Adam would become buddies many years to come has been very enlightening. They grow fonder towards each other everyday. Each coo and peek-a-boo just strengthens the newly developed bonding. Finally, Aiman would love Adam so dearly, that is preferably more than his mega collection of Ultraman and Transformers.

It is for fact that younger siblings tend to look up the older siblings for approval, knowledge and wisdom. For instance, Ajib is continuously seeking Liya’s company and assistance. I was laughing out loud when the two of them began dancing in sync to Hindi’s Rab ne bana di jodi and singing to perform a ‘mini rock ‘n’ roll concert with Barbie’s guitar  and mic we had bought from Toys ‘R’ Us in Kuala Lumpur. They have also worked hard to make sandcastles on the beach and ice-cream using the handy ice-cream maker toy set.


‘Children should sleep with parents until they’re five’ by Sian Griffiths

October 21, 2009
From The Sunday Times
May 14, 2006

Margot Sunderland, director of education at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, says the practice, known as “co-sleeping”, makes children more likely to grow up as calm, healthy adults.

Sunderland, author of 20 books, outlines her advice in The Science of Parenting, to be published later this month.

She is so sure of the findings in the new book, based on 800 scientific studies, that she is calling for health visitors to be issued with fact sheets to educate parents about co-sleeping.

“These studies should be widely disseminated to parents,” said Sunderland. “I am sympathetic to parenting gurus — why should they know the science? Ninety per cent of it is so new they bloody well need to know it now. There is absolutely no study saying it is good to let your child cry.”

She argues that the practice common in Britain of training children to sleep alone from a few weeks old is harmful because any separation from parents increases the flow of stress hormones such as cortisol.

Her findings are based on advances in scientific understanding over the past 20 years of how children’s brains develop, and on studies using scans to analyse how they react in particular circumstances.

For example, a neurological study three years ago showed that a child separated from a parent experienced similar brain activity to one in physical pain.

Sunderland also believes current practice is based on social attitudes that should be abandoned. “There is a taboo in this country about children sleeping with their parents,” she said.

“What I have done in this book is present the science. Studies from around the world show that co-sleeping until the age of five is an investment for the child. They can have separation anxiety up to the age of five and beyond, which can affect them in later life. This is calmed by co-sleeping.”

Symptoms can also be physical. Sunderland quotes one study that found some 70% of women who had not been comforted when they cried as children developed digestive difficulties as adults.

Sunderland’s book puts her at odds with widely read parenting gurus such as Gina Ford, whose advice is followed by thousands.

Ford advocates establishing sleep routines for babies from a very early age in cots “away from the rest of the house” and teaching babies to sleep “without the assistance of adults”.

In her book The Complete Sleep Guide for Contented Babies and Toddlers she writes that parents need time by themselves: “Bed sharing . . . more often than not ends up with parents sleeping in separate rooms” and exhausted mothers, a situation that “puts enormous pressure on the family as a whole”.

Annette Mountford, chief executive of the parenting organisation Family Links, confirmed that the norm for children in Britain was to be encouraged to sleep in cots and beds, often in separate bedrooms, from an early age. “Parents need their space,” she said. “There are definite benefits from encouraging children into their own sleep routine in their own space.”

Sunderland says moving children to their own beds from a few weeks old, even if they cry in the night, has been shown to increase the flow of cortisol.

Studies of children under five have shown that for more than 90%, cortisol rises when they go to nursery. For 75%, it falls whenever they go home.

Professor Jaak Panksepp, a neuroscientist at Washington State University, who has written a foreword to the book, said Sunderland’s arguments were “a coherent story that is consistent with neuroscience. A wise society will take it to heart”.

Sunderland argues that putting children to sleep alone is a peculiarly western phenomenon that may increase the chance of cot death, also known as sudden infant death syndrome (Sids). This may be because the child misses the calming effect on breathing and heart function of lying next to its mother.

“In the UK, 500 children a year die of Sids,” Sunderland writes. “In China, where it [co-sleeping] is taken for granted, Sids is so rare it does not have a name.”


Boys & Toys

October 20, 2009

Boys & ToysThere seems a universal language when it comes to boys and toys. The relationship evolves around gadget and sets out to be a powerful lingua franca.

“Who/what is this?” and “What can he/it do?” being repeated and all the imaginable sounds being engineered spontaneously.

Ajib had fun. He shared his toy collection and mingled with many guests. At least, he wasn’t feeling bored and popped the question, “Can we go home now, please?”