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I prepared non-spicy fried meehoon (thin white noodles) for breakfast one morning after our maid had gone home to Indonesia for good. Ajib joined me and Daddy while Liya was still dreaming perhaps of white horses or cute bunnies.

“Look, Mama..” Ajib was proud showing me his creation.

“That’s something new, Ajib. How does it taste like?” Obviously I had no idea nor did I expect to taste it.

“Yummy,” Ajib said.

Daddy smiled and complimented Ajib’s creativity: Meehoon + McDonald’s grape jam = Chef Ajib’s recipe

More about meehoon..

Alto (STOP)

“Stop at red light..” Ajib spoke his mind to Daddy. I was thankful that some of my teachings have been assimilated.

It was right of way and my husband yielded to enter the main road leading to Ajib and Liya’s preschool. Liya also has complained that some motorists did not bother to follow the traffic rules. I hope that Ajib and Liya would grow up without compromising safety. We have one shot in life and that’s all about being safe and happy.

Sibling Story

As much as I wanted Liya to accept Ajib about  3 1/2years ago, my youngest sister has also experienced the drill. The big bro Aiman must come to terms to welcome the new baby’s arrival, Adam into the realm of the family.

The vision that the two boys – Aiman and Adam would become buddies many years to come has been very enlightening. They grow fonder towards each other everyday. Each coo and peek-a-boo just strengthens the newly developed bonding. Finally, Aiman would love Adam so dearly, that is preferably more than his mega collection of Ultraman and Transformers.

It is for fact that younger siblings tend to look up the older siblings for approval, knowledge and wisdom. For instance, Ajib is continuously seeking Liya’s company and assistance. I was laughing out loud when the two of them began dancing in sync to Hindi’s Rab ne bana di jodi and singing to perform a ‘mini rock ‘n’ roll concert with Barbie’s guitar  and mic we had bought from Toys ‘R’ Us in Kuala Lumpur. They have also worked hard to make sandcastles on the beach and ice-cream using the handy ice-cream maker toy set.

‘Children should sleep with parents until they’re five’ by Sian Griffiths

Times Online UK

From The Sunday Times

May 14, 2006

Margot Sunderland, director of education at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, says the practice, known as “co-sleeping”, makes children more likely to grow up as calm, healthy adults.

Sunderland, author of 20 books, outlines her advice in The Science of Parenting, to be published later this month.

She is so sure of the findings in the new book, based on 800 scientific studies, that she is calling for health visitors to be issued with fact sheets to educate parents about co-sleeping.

“These studies should be widely disseminated to parents,” said Sunderland. “I am sympathetic to parenting gurus — why should they know the science? Ninety per cent of it is so new they bloody well need to know it now. There is absolutely no study saying it is good to let your child cry.”

She argues that the practice common in Britain of training children to sleep alone from a few weeks old is harmful because any separation from parents increases the flow of stress hormones such as cortisol.

Her findings are based on advances in scientific understanding over the past 20 years of how children’s brains develop, and on studies using scans to analyse how they react in particular circumstances.

For example, a neurological study three years ago showed that a child separated from a parent experienced similar brain activity to one in physical pain.

Sunderland also believes current practice is based on social attitudes that should be abandoned. “There is a taboo in this country about children sleeping with their parents,” she said.

“What I have done in this book is present the science. Studies from around the world show that co-sleeping until the age of five is an investment for the child. They can have separation anxiety up to the age of five and beyond, which can affect them in later life. This is calmed by co-sleeping.”

Symptoms can also be physical. Sunderland quotes one study that found some 70% of women who had not been comforted when they cried as children developed digestive difficulties as adults.

Sunderland’s book puts her at odds with widely read parenting gurus such as Gina Ford, whose advice is followed by thousands.

Ford advocates establishing sleep routines for babies from a very early age in cots “away from the rest of the house” and teaching babies to sleep “without the assistance of adults”.

In her book The Complete Sleep Guide for Contented Babies and Toddlers she writes that parents need time by themselves: “Bed sharing . . . more often than not ends up with parents sleeping in separate rooms” and exhausted mothers, a situation that “puts enormous pressure on the family as a whole”.

Annette Mountford, chief executive of the parenting organisation Family Links, confirmed that the norm for children in Britain was to be encouraged to sleep in cots and beds, often in separate bedrooms, from an early age. “Parents need their space,” she said. “There are definite benefits from encouraging children into their own sleep routine in their own space.”

Sunderland says moving children to their own beds from a few weeks old, even if they cry in the night, has been shown to increase the flow of cortisol.

Studies of children under five have shown that for more than 90%, cortisol rises when they go to nursery. For 75%, it falls whenever they go home.

Professor Jaak Panksepp, a neuroscientist at Washington State University, who has written a foreword to the book, said Sunderland’s arguments were “a coherent story that is consistent with neuroscience. A wise society will take it to heart”.

Sunderland argues that putting children to sleep alone is a peculiarly western phenomenon that may increase the chance of cot death, also known as sudden infant death syndrome (Sids). This may be because the child misses the calming effect on breathing and heart function of lying next to its mother.

“In the UK, 500 children a year die of Sids,” Sunderland writes. “In China, where it [co-sleeping] is taken for granted, Sids is so rare it does not have a name.”

Boys & Toys

There seems a universal language when it comes to boys and toys. The relationship evolves around gadget and sets out to be a powerful lingua franca.

“Who/what is this?” and “What can he/it do?” being repeated and all the imaginable sounds being engineered spontaneously.

Ajib had fun. He shared his toy collection and mingled with many guests. At least, he wasn’t feeling bored and popped the question, “Can we go home now, please?”

The Jumping Queen of Chess

Liya has been asleep. The bored little Ajib became restless until he found Liya’s chess. Ajib voluntereed to furnish the chess board before calling Daddy to join him.

The pawn, castle, horse, Queen and King moved places and opponent’s pieces collected. I wasn’t sure the rules for the night’s board game. Minutes into the game, Ajib took his Queen. We saw Ajib’s Queen made a huge leaped to ‘kill’ Daddy’s chess piece. I didn’t pay attention but seeing Ajib so eager to learn and play a new game was exciting. He didn’t care whether he would win. He played for fun. He wanted to learn anew. In the end, I concluded that parenting could be in various forms. The more fun a child experiences, the more adaptable she or he  gets to the people, surrounding and skills.  Thus, living each day with novel experiences and perspectives empowers both a parent and a child.

Bollywood Nite

The bedtime stories are no longer in practised. Ajib and Liya read, write and draw during other hours. Moments before sleeping would be devoted to actions on telly especially Barbie and Ben 10. Books make Ajib and Liya more excited and they just could not fall asleep any sooner. I have been an eager reader too, I feel compelled to finish a 400-page book even it might take me to pull an all-nighter to dawn.

Last night, I was hoping to watch another repeat of Liya’s Barbie and the Diamond Castle or one of Ajib’s Ultraman DVDs. Instead, my ears caught a very distinctive music. My Hindi movie…It seemed that Ajib and Liya have grown accustomed to the dancing and singing. With English subtitles, Liya understood parts of the story. Beautiful scenery, people, clothes, accessories and cultures might attract Ajib and Liya too. As a fan, I have been swept by the emotions. As a psychologist by background, I can humbly say audience can relate to the movie. Any Hindi movie for that matter. Why? Interpersonal, intra-personal, musical, liguistic and environmental issues are everybody’s concern. Loving someone, cared by someone, family and relationships draw people regardless where they come come and who they are on the outside. Inside us, there’s a heart. There’s mind trying to reason and switch on our intuition.

Kids follow their heart. We used to listen to our heart. And, parenting is about embroidering our emotions onto the fabric of senses.

Crabby Sleeping Position

Maybe it is quite a long journey from home to school. Ajib was sleepy and tried to have shut eye for seconds before reaching his school.

Hubby was quite concern as Ajib was usually chatty in the morning. However, it was quite a quiet morning. Ajib’s body was slightly curled and his hands were unmoved.

“Sleeping like a a crab..” Daddy commented. Liya thought it was funny. Me too. We remembered the deep fried crabs we ate last weekend at Bagan Lalang.

Red Light District

After buckling up and ensuring Ajib and Liya have sat down properly, I drove away from the curb in front of the preschool gate. The tyres rotated a few times before I had to stop at the traffic light which was showing red.

“Mom, I must go..” Ajib said half guiltily. My car was in a perfect queue, so there was no room to turn right nor left. It had left me with no choices. I could not comfort Ajib as my eyes were already set on the light, seconds away from turning green. At the same time, I pitied Ajib who couldn’t hold his bladder any much longer.

“Sorry, mom..” Ajib said softly but still audible. It was not his fault.

Sunset & Seafood

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. The driving took us nearly 2 hours. Westward direction most possibly.  Ajib and Liya played on the beach but as the sunset approaching, they got too busy with the sandcastle and incoming waves.

We had about 1 kilo of fresh prawn cooked in 2 portions: buttered and breaded. The local fish tasted so juicy and sweet. Everything was perfect until the allergy triggered somewhere past midnight and that was the price for great seafood dinner. The family was happy during dinnertime and that was pleasurable, enough for me to combat any reactions.